Slow movin old man

I've got to start moving around more.

Twice now while sitting on JC's deck sipping wine I've had spiders attaching their webs to me.

The other day one made me cross eyed as it slowly lowered itself from the bill of my cap. I guess getting up every now and then to pee isn't enough to let them know that I'm not a tree or a bush. Next thing you know I'll start growing... wait, what's that green stuff on the north side of my legs?