For years my normal weight was around 155 to 160 pounds, depending mostly on my Pabst Blue Ribbon and Budweiser intake. My height was a tad over 5' 8 ”, but I could stretch another half an inch if there were any tall girls around.

Last year at the doctor's office the nurse weighed and measured me. I was shocked when she told me “135 pounds and 5 feet 6 inches!”

What in the hell happened, I wondered. I don't remember going through any radioactive clouds in my kayak or accidentally taking any of Carol's diet pills.

When I asked the doctor, he told me that some Parkinson's patients lose weight and some don't. Thanks a lot, Doc! He suggested drinking a bottle of “Ensure” between meals. I doubted that would help me get my height back but decided to give it a try anyway.

Mmm, Strawberry flavored Ensure! If you want to kill your appetite for the rest of the day, drink a bottle of that gunk. It sits in your stomach like a puddle of mud.

Since then I've been steadily shrinking. This morning I weighed in at a hefty 126! I haven't measured my height lately, I'm almost afraid to. The tension that I have to keep on my suspenders to hold my pants up has probably compressed my spine another inch or two.

If this keeps up I'm afraid one of our little dogs will confuse one of my skinny legs for a dog bone some night and I'll wake up missing a few more pounds.

There are countless web sites and TV ads on how to lose weight but not much on how to pack it on. I guess I could try steroids but I'd probably end up looking like Popeye.

Almost all of my clothing is too large, I'm real close to buying small instead of medium in mens size and if this keeps up I'll probably be in boys size before long.

Oh well, I guess I can always live in a doll house like the guy in the movie.........