Incarcerated

Don't get me wrong, over my 78 years I've been in the slammer a few times... but not lately. At least not until today!

This afternoon I went out to the greenhouse to get a seed packet, which I was going to take back in the house and tape it to a little stake so I could tell where the onion seeds I had planted were located. While I was fiddling around I heard Carol put something inside the shed that the greenhouse is attached to, and close the door. I fiddled some more and when I went to leave I discovered that she had put the screwdriver through the hasp on the door and locked me in!

I yelled and beat on the door but she'd already gone in the house. I looked at my watch...It was one o'clock. I probably could have kicked the door apart, but I remembered all the work I had done to repair it from storm damage a couple of years ago and I decided that would be a last resort.

Oh well she'll be looking for me pretty soon! I looked at my watch again, She's probably watching General Hospital and when that's over... Oh shit! It's Saturday!

I decided to make the best of it and so I swept the brick floor, cleaned out some spider webs and made sure the tomato plants were well watered. I looked at my watch again...A quarter past one.

There was an old dusty radio that I had left sitting on a shelf and I was pleasantly surprised to find that the batteries weren't completely dead and I managed to pick up a weak AM station that was playing oldies. I also found an old folding canvas camping chair, so I had tunes and a place to sit.

After sitting for a while I looked at my watch again...one thirty. I re-swept the floor and watered the tomato plants which were starting to look a little soggy, and that reminded me that I had to pee. As an avid fiction reader, I remembered that the kidnapped hostage was always given a bucket to go in. Well, I had several buckets, so that problem was solved. Now if only Carol or the dogs would come out I could try to get their attention. Several times I heard doors slamming but it was the neighbors coming and going and they were too far away to hear me.

If I'd had a Phillips screwdriver I might have been able to escape through the shed window that I had screwed shut years ago, but even my MacGiver Swiss army knife wouldn't budge the old rusted screws.

I looked at my watch...two o'clock. The radio station faded in and out while Eddie Arnold sang The Prisoner's Song. Oh if I had the wings of an angel, over these prison walls I'd fly!

I spotted a slug crawling out from under one of my newly planted tomato plants, (probably to escape form being drowned!) so I grabbed my trusty, rusty machete and murdered him. I spent the next half hour searching and hacking. (I got three.)

Back in my camping chair I looked at my watch...a quarter to three.

I watched the tomato plants but they didn't seem to be growing any. Roy Orbison was singing Only The Lonely.

At three thirty I heard one of the dogs bark so I began beating on the door to get their attention. When they heard the racket I was making they started barking in front of the door and finally I heard the screwdriver being slid out of the latch. When the door opened Carol and the dogs all looked at me like, What the hell are you doing in there? I just shook my head, went in the house and poured a glass of wine.