Thursday, September 24, 2015

Getting old sucks!


I've had Biopsies, Cat scans, MRI's, Echo Cardiograms, a Colonoscopy, Cystoscopy. an EGD (whatever that is) Xrays, countless blood tests and I still keep finding more things going wrong with my body.
I can't sleep on either side anymore because of arthritis in my hips, and I can't sleep on my back in bed because of apnea and snoring so loud I wake myself up, so I moved into the den and onto my recliner. It keeps my head and upper body elevated (to avoid acid reflux) and my feet elevated (for edema in my ankles and feet). Hopefully my Urologist won't advise me to elevate my junk, because my recliner won't bend that way.
I'm taking four different prescription pills, one and a half four times a day for Parkinson's, one three times a day for the nausea caused by the Parkinson's pills, and two once a day for prostate cancer. I quit taking the one for the constipation caused by the one that...Oh shit, I lost track.
I wear compression stockings, (Geezer squeezer socks) for the edema. The first time I tried putting them on I almost wiped myself out. It was like getting into a wrestling match with myself and losing! I finally found a Youtube video that showed a better way to put the damn things on. (It still ain't easy!)
I have alarm clock software in my computer that tells me when to take my pills, which I keep in a pill minder to keep track of what pills to take when the alarm goes off.
I know it could be a lot worse, I'm lucky to get around as well as I do. A lot of old timers who are hurting much more than I am will probably laugh at my meager list of complaints, but then, I'm probably not through yet!
I wrote lyrics several years ago about Parkinson's Disease; if your old enough you might remember Monty Python's “I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK.” If you don't, here's a YouTube link:

I'm a shaky guy and I don't care
I drool on my pillow here and there
My jaw wiggles every time I yawn
I'm way too tired to mow the lawn
It's quite a sight when I try to eat
My fork keeps dropping that piece of meat
Everything I say is answered by What?
My voice is a whisper I repeat a lot
My writing is tiny of this I'm sure
I can't even read my own signature
It could be worse I do know that
I just sit here in my cowboy hat
drinking red wine in my favorite chair
I'm a shaky guy and I don't care

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