Legend

This morning I had to call 911.

Carol was having a bad anxiety attack, and I couldn't help her. She wanted “to go home to her family” and take the dogs with her. She was sobbing and having trouble breathing.

When the ambulance arrived and they were checking her vitals one of them said,”Oh my God! Do you guys know who this is? She's a central coast legend! She logged more volunteer hours than anyone!” He looked at her and asked, “Do you remember me? You helped break me in on driving the ambulance.” When I saw her face light up I almost cried.

In a few minutes it was old home week and Carol's anxiety slipped away as they remembered people they had worked with and where they were now.

Her vital signs had returned to normal and the head paramedic said that he didn't think that a trip to the hospital was necessary. I agreed.

After they left I asked Carol where her award certificates were. She found them in a paper grocery bag behind a chair in the living room. We sat down on the couch and looked at them. There was a whole stack of awards for 3,000 hours of volunteer service for a year. Only one of them was framed, and I leaned it up on a shelf where everyone could see it.

Alzheimer's Disease

Alzheimer's

We started out calling Carol's constant misplacing and losing things “Forgetfulness,” or the then humorous, CRS (Can't Remember Shit!) or CRAFT (Can't Remember A Frigging Thing!) As it got worse, we got serious and called it “Short Term Memory Loss.”

A trip to a Corvallis neurologist resulted in a diagnosis of “Progressive memory loss and Dementia” and a recommendation to the DMV to revoke her driver's license. (Which they did.)

For a few years we coasted along, hoping that the symptoms wouldn't get any worse, but there was always that Gorilla hiding in the shadows called Alzheimer's Disease. It wasn't so bad, going on treasure hunts every day looking for things that Carol lost or misplaced. I had a checklist of likely places to look, no matter what we were looking for: Refrigerator, freezer, microwave, couch cushions, under her pillow, trash cans, it was almost a game.

Then the Gorilla came out and punched me right in the heart.

It was a normal evening. We'd had our once a month lunch at the Salty Dawg and we were at home watching TV when Carol looked at me and said, “Who are you? I don't remember you!”

At first I thought she was kidding but when I saw the look on her face, I knew.

I knew.

“What do you do?” she asked.

“I, I'm retired.” I stammered, at a loss for words.

“Huh, so is Bob,” she said.

“I'm Bob!” I answered, “We've been married for 52 years!”

I'll never forget the blank look on her face when she looked at me.

I was a stranger.

The Last Walk

I enjoy walking...always have. Especially on a beautiful day like this.

They told me that if I wanted to walk, I'd just have to go up and down the hallways. That's not the same thing, so today I left.

    This noisy highway isn't exactly my favorite place, but maybe I can find a more peaceful side road. Just because my memory fails me every now and then, they put me in that “home.” I hate it. The doctors say I have Alzheimer's and that I can't live by myself at my house any more. I was doing just fine until I got lost that time.

    Say, this gravel road is much nicer, I must have turned off the highway without realizing it. I can smell newly mowed grass, wood smoke and someone's backyard barbecue. The houses are farther apart now, and I'm getting into farm country.

    There's a white horse!

Zitz!

That's what we kids used to say whenever we saw a white horse while we were out driving in my dad's old Ford. And we used to read the Burma Shave signs, too.

THE BEARDED LADY
TRIED A JAR
NOW SHE'S
A FAMOUS MOVIE STAR
BURMA-SHAVE

How can they say my memory's gone if I can remember things like that!

     This is the one of the most enjoyable walks that I can remember, it's warm, a nice cool breeze is blowing through the trees, and my arthritis hasn't bothered me at all. In fact, I feel better than I have in years. I think I could walk forever.

     Sometimes when people come to visit me at the home and I don't know who they are, they get upset and cry. I try to remember them, but to me they're strangers. Other times, I remember my family when they visit. The doctors say I'm getting worse, but I don't believe them. No matter what they say, I can still remember lot's of things, like the music from the ice cream truck when it came around the corner of our block when I was a little kid, and my first kiss.

    I must have taken another side road while I was day dreaming, and this one is even prettier. There's grass growing between the tire tracks and the trees on the sides are almost touching overhead. It looks like the road ends here in a grassy turn-around. The moving sunlight and shadows on the ground are so mesmerizing that I think I'll sit against this tree and rest for a while. There are birds singing melodies that I've never heard before, or maybe I just don't remember them. It's cooling off as evening falls, but I'm warm and comfortable.

    I'll just sit here for a while and enjoy the sunset.

    I can remember everything now.