Hi guys,

Yesterday while I was visiting him in ICU, Brad asked me if I was OK. It was typical of him to think of others while he almost died from a bad case of the flu which developed into pneumonia.

Physically I'm OK but since we got back from visiting Carol, I'm having some delusions.

The other evening I went to sleep around 8pm, and the dogs woke me up around 10 to go outside. I let them out and then went into Carol's bedroom to check on her. Her bed was empty, so in a panic I started searching the house. I was at the front door getting ready to go out and look down the highway before I realized that she was at Conifer House in Corvallis. I don't know if I was sleepwalking or just confused.

A few nights ago I fell asleep in the living room recliner and when I woke up I swear Carol was on the couch sleeping. When I got up and looked closer she was gone. At night I keep seeing her face with the blank look I got when I tried to hug her at Conifer House. She still doesn't recognize me.

All I know for sure is that I miss her terribly and for now I can't bear to see the state she's in.

This disease has affected our family so much, it's hard to even think about her being gone, but at least she's being cared for, which I'm ashamed to say I failed at. If it hadn't been for Donna and Brad things would definitely been a lot worse. Most of the last six months I've been in a daze and pretty worthless.

Here's a link to Conifer House in Corvallis.

http://www.coniferhousealmc.com/