Don't get me wrong, over my 78 years
I've been in the slammer a few times... but not lately. At least not
until today!
This afternoon I went out to the
greenhouse to get a seed packet, which I was going to take back in
the house and tape it to a little stake so I could tell where the
onion seeds I had planted were located. While I was fiddling around
I heard Carol put something inside the shed that the greenhouse is
attached to, and close the door. I fiddled some more and when I went
to leave I discovered that she had put the screwdriver through the
hasp on the door and locked me in!
I yelled and beat on the door but
she'd already gone in the house. I looked at my watch...It was one
o'clock. I probably could have kicked the door apart, but I
remembered all the work I had done to repair it from storm damage a
couple of years ago and I decided that would be a last resort.
Oh well she'll be looking for me
pretty soon! I looked at my
watch again, She's probably watching General Hospital and
when that's over... Oh shit! It's Saturday!
I
decided to make the best of it and so I swept the brick floor,
cleaned out some spider webs and made sure the tomato plants were
well watered. I looked at my watch again...A quarter past one.
There
was an old dusty radio that I had left sitting on a shelf and I was
pleasantly surprised to find that the batteries weren't completely
dead and I managed to pick up a weak AM station that was playing
oldies. I also found an old folding canvas camping chair, so I had
tunes and a place to sit.
After
sitting for a while I looked at my watch again...one thirty. I
re-swept the floor and watered the tomato plants which were starting
to look a little soggy, and that reminded me that I had to pee. As an
avid fiction reader, I remembered that the kidnapped hostage was
always given a bucket to go in. Well, I had several buckets, so that
problem was solved. Now if only Carol or the dogs would come out I
could try to get their attention. Several times I heard doors
slamming but it was the neighbors coming and going and they were too
far away to hear me.
If
I'd had a Phillips screwdriver I might have been able to escape
through the shed window that I had screwed shut years ago, but even
my MacGiver Swiss army knife wouldn't budge the old rusted screws.
I
looked at my watch...two o'clock. The radio station faded in and out
while Eddie Arnold sang The Prisoner's Song. Oh
if I had the wings of an angel, over these prison walls I'd
fly!
I
spotted a slug crawling out from under one of my newly planted tomato
plants, (probably to escape form being drowned!) so I grabbed my
trusty, rusty machete and murdered him. I spent the next half hour
searching and hacking. (I got three.)
Back
in my camping chair I looked at my watch...a quarter to three.
I
watched the tomato plants but they didn't seem to be growing any. Roy
Orbison was singing Only The Lonely.
At
three thirty I heard one of the dogs bark so I began beating on the
door to get their attention. When they heard the racket I was making
they started barking in front of the door and finally I heard the
screwdriver being slid out of the latch. When the door opened Carol
and the dogs all looked at me like, What the hell are you
doing in there? I just shook my
head, went in the house and poured a glass of wine.
