Monday, September 08, 2008

How (not) to install an awning


Several months ago while we were sitting out on J.C.'s deck, sipping our glasses of wine, he mentioned that he had looked into the patio awnings advertised on TV, but that they were really spendy. I told him that every now and then I'd seen used ones for sale and that I'd keep my eyes open for one.

Sure enough, several weeks later, a used 16 foot RV awning was listed on our local cable TV “wheel,” so Carol dialed the number and found out that it was just a few houses away from our place. We called J.C. and when he arrived we walked down the road to look at it.

The awning was neatly stored on a rack in the owners garage, and he showed us the large motor home that it had been removed from, to be replaced by a newer motorized model. The awning was in really good shape and looked almost like new. We thanked the older gentleman for his time and J.C. said he'd think about it, and let him know.

A week or so later J.C. called and said that he was going to go ahead and get the awning, so he and I drove down, tied it on the kayak racks on top of our pickup and delivered it to the“project pile” in his carport. On the bottom of the pile is the roll of carpet we were going to put in his bedroom but never got around to it, next is a layer of stepping stones that will go in front of his barbecue some day, and then some 2X6 shelves for the green house. The awning sat proudly on top.

Every afternoon we sat out on the deck, sipping wine and planning how to make an RV awning work on the side of a mobile home. The seller had generously included some installation instructions but they seemed confusing, so after much consideration, planning and sipping we decided to play it by ear. J.C. had to order some mounting hardware for it on the Internet so we had plenty of time to sip and plan. It turned out that it wasn't enough.

Last Saturday J.C. called and asked if I'd come up and help him hang the awning. His son Kelly had a day off so he thought the three of us could put it up in no time. I walked the mile and a half to his house, (which I've been doing lately to get some exercise) and saw when I arrived that he'd installed a mounting board under the eaves, had the awning uprights attached and propped up on sawhorses, and the rail drilled and ready. “If you and Kelly hold it in place by the uprights I'll put the screws in the rail and we should be in business!”After a little fumbling and bumbling we got things in position and J.C. used his screw gun to fasten it in place with deck screws.

“Well, that worked out OK,” I said,” Lets see if it unrolls!” We tugged and pulled but nothing happened.

“I think there's a release on that end!”J.C. said, so I stood on a ladder and flipped a likely looking lever. My end of the awning began to open. “Aha! So I guess to roll it back up you flip it back like this! Owww!” The awning snapped back with three of my fingers caught under the upright.

“Are you OK?” J.C. asked.

“Id be better if I could get my *^#% fingers out of here!” I answered.

“Flip the lever!” Kelly yelled. Eventually, after tugging, pulling, cussing and flipping we got my squashed, but undamaged, fingers free.

We held another planning session and decided to have Kelly pull on the strap hanging from the center while J.C. and I walked the uprights out as far as we could. When we unrolled it as far as it would go, which wasn't nearly as far as we had hoped, I raised the locking bar on my side and started to tighten the knob when everything went to hell. I heard Kelly yell, “I can't hold it!” J.C. somehow had climbed up on the deck rail and was trying to fall down or do a River Dance, I wasn't sure which. I started to try and help Kelly when my end collapsed and soon we were immersed in retracting awning, flying locking bars, and a lot of cussing and yelling. I stood amazed as I watched the awning, still dragging Kelly, clear the table of tools and glasses of ice water, and speedily roll itself up until it hung up on the porch light. J.C. was still doing the River Dance on the 2X6 deck railing, but he was quickly winding down.

While Kelly picked up the tools and cleaned up the broken glass and ice cubes, we surveyed the damage. Probably because we had extended the awning out too far, both locking bars had come apart and somehow fallen out of the uprights and there was no way to put them back without taking everything down and starting over.

We decided to go back to sipping and planning for a while.

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